Sit Properly

Since I was talking about hymns in my last post, I was reminded of this Eddie Izzard bit.

As previously posted, my dad and I dismantled the AllState on Friday night. What I didn’t really mention was that he listens to this amazingly bad Christian radio station.

Ok, now we all know that the vast majority of Christian contemporary music is (musically) abysmal. It’s horrible. But this station doesn’t play that. It plays hymns. Yeah, hymns. Just like you here in boring churches. It was every bit as unbearable as you’d imagine.

And then came the news.

Now, most people with at least two braincells to rub together realize that Fox News is fairly balanced towards the right. The news on the Christian station, called USA Radio News, makes Fox News look like Democracy Now.

It started the news with your typical news stuff. You know, storms over the south west, maybe something about a political candidate, a vague report from Iraq. The typical news. Then they slip in some story about Christians be persecuted somewhere in the world. And then a regular news story. Then something about “abortionists.” And then sports.

Sports was an interview with a football coach from last year where he talked about Jesus for a little. Actually, a lot. That went on for like 20 minutes. And there was no turning it off. None.

See, my father, bless his heart, believes I’m going to burn in hell forever. Probably. See, he knows I’m a devotee. Or at least assumes I still am. But I was “saved” when I was like nine or something and he believes that once you’re saved, you’re always saved. Which is pretty damn convenient if you ask me. However, the more logical part of his brain is thinking “well, if he’s not now… maybe he wasn’t then…hmmmm.”

Let me reiterate here. My father is not a mean or angry person. He has not condemned me to hell or anything such nonsense like that. He’s one of the kindest, most gentle human beings on earth. He would very literally do almost anything for anybody regardless of race, color, creed, sexual orientation, etc. Why? Because that’s what Jesus would have done. And that’s very VERY cool.

But he honestly and fully believes that without being saved by asking Jesus Christ into your heart as your personal lord and savior and having your sins washed away with his redeeming blood shed for everybody upon the cross you’re going to burn in hell forever.

That’s all well and good if everyone you know and love is a born again Christian. But I’m not and I’m pretty sure he knows that. And I really think it tears him up inside. How couldn’t it? If you fully believed that someone you loved… you own son.. was going to burn in hell with satan for the rest of eternity never to be seen again, wouldn’t that kind of freak you out?

But there’s a major flaw in that philosophy. Nevermind the idea of salvation and all that jazz, I’m talking about the concept of heaven that this sort of philosophy points to.

See, they believe, as most sentimentalists do, that when you die and go to heaven you’re greeted by those you love and loved you on earth. First of all, that idea isn’t even Biblical. It’s purely sentimental. Secondly, what kind of heaven would it be where once you got there, all you could do was miss your unsaved loved ones? And if you somehow forget your fallen loved ones once you get there, what’s the big deal?

They’ve become so focused upon salvation, they’ve really forgotten about devotion. And even though my father is very devoted to Jesus and his church, it still really is all about salvation. There’s very little focus on actual philosophy in my father’s church (and in Christian fundamentalism in general). There’s no study of Church history, no study of ancient texts, no real study of anything apart from salvation.

And I’m sorry, if a “philosophy’s” only precept is “accept it or burn in hell forever.” How is that love? How can you truly love a God like that? I would be like loving a husband or wife, etc who essentially points a gun at your head and says “tell me you love me or I’ll fucking blow your brains out!” Of course you’re going to say “I love you!” because… well, it beats having your brains splattered all over the floor.

So basically, that why, at age 9, I accepted Jesus as my personal lord and savior. I was too scared not to. I certainly didn’t want to burn in hell forever! So what was the other option? The other option was to say “yeah, ok, this is better than burning in hell.” What kind of choice is that?! What kind of philosophy is that?

But these are all the things that I keep inside around my father. It would break his heart to hear this out of me. And for many, many fundamentalists, it’s because they’re not steady in their own beliefs and practices enough to stand on their own, so they force it down the throats of others to prop themselves up. But that’s now how it is with my dad. My father is very devoted. If nobody else in the world believed the same things he did, he would still believe them. That’s admirable in a way. So he’s not like that. He doesn’t need to justify or prop up his own belief system. He’s honestly just worried about my spiritual life. Not really worried, but depressed and saddened by it.

I wish I could accommodate him. I do. Sometimes I wish that I could just be a fundamentalist Christian. It would be easier in some respects. But that’s not who I am. It never was. And so for the rest of my father’s life, we’re going to have to deal with this over and over.

Ok, I’ve rambled a bit here and I apologize. If you made it this far, give yourself a high five.

“Religion without philosophy is empty sentiment.” – AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada.