Two funny Varshana Swami stories
When you say “story” and “Varshana Swami” usually you’re talking about his tellings of Caitanya-lila. They are second to none. But it’s rare to hear stories about Varshana Swami. Well lucky me, I’ve got two. And lucky you because I’m about to tell them.
Both happened last year while I was staying for a bit at New Vrndavana.
The first was related in an old LJ post. The whole post itself is kind of fun. You can read it here.
Sunday morning was kind of neat. Right before japa, I learn that Varsana Maharaja will be giving class. But I have to do transfer, so I miss it. That’s not the neat part. Jen slept in the day before. Her service is to write the Bhagavatam verse on a dry-erase board. The devotee giving class had no verse up.
I didn’t want this to happen to Maharaja. So I ask Gopal, who is his disciple, “hey, which verse is Maharaja doing today?”
He replied: “Is he giving class today? Hm, didn’t know that. I’ll ask him.”
Odd. But Gopal walks over to ask him and I see both of them smiling. He comes over and relates Varsana Swami’s answer, “I’m supposed to give class today?” And then something about spontaneous service to Krishna.
I missed the class, but heard it was pretty sweet.
The next story is more about me and my horrible memory. The back story is that I’ve been a devotee since late 1993. And in that time I have managed to memorize zero slokas. That’s right, not a single one. I also have zero songs memorized. Sure, I can make my way through any of the common ones pretty easily if I have the words in front of me. But from memory? Nope. None.
Why? I’m not sure. It’s certainly not for lack of trying. I simply can’t memorize things that I can just as easily look up. It’s a mental defect. I’m not lazy (at least not in this way), it just doesn’t come to me.
While I was there, I made it to every mangal. I mean, why go to a temple if you’re not going to get up for mangal, right? So I did. Usually, I would be one of the first ones there. And then, right before the conch blew, a handful of devotees would wander in. Maharaja was there more often than not. I was glad that they showed up because, as I mentioned, I don’t know the words to the samsara prayers. Sure, I could read them off of the card… no wait, I can’t. Bad eyesight, near darkness (because the New Vrndavana temple room is officially the darkest temple room in all of ISKCON) and the card being placed at a weird, stage-left, position made it impossible.
But on one fateful day, I arrive about ten minutes before mangal and start chanting some japa. My mind is no where near on my chanting because I’m wondering where the hell everyone else is. With five minutes to go, Varshana Swami comes in and starts to chant his japa. At this point, I go from worrying about singing the Samsara prayers to myself to panicking about singing the Samsara prayers to Varshana Swami.
As any devotee knows, you can tell when the arati is about to start. You can hear the arati tray being brought onto the altar, the accidental “ding” of a bell, the clearing of the pujari’s throat… And with each of these, my heart started beating harder and harder. I thought of bolting out of the temple room. It took all the strength I could muster to keep put.
Varshana Swami looked at me as if to say, “so, you’re all we’ve got?” And sadly, yes. I was it. Slim pickin’s, huh?
I figured that other devotees would come in. I figured that someone who actually knows the words would just walk through the doors, pick up a mrdanga and lead a three-man kirtana. But nobody was coming.
And then I heard them popping the conch. I knew this was it. I nearly fainted. The doors opened – one side and then the other – the conch blew as Varsana Swami and I offered obeisances.
He then looked at me and said, “would you like to lead?”
Yes. Yes, maharaja, I would love to lead! I’d love to grab some kartals and give you the best Samsara prayers New Vrndavana’s ever heard!
But what I said was, “I’m sorry.. I don’t know the words.”
He gave me this look. Not really of disgust, but more of complete disbelief. He probably thought that I was lying. I felt horrible and stupid. How could I not know these words after this many years? How is it even possible that I don’t have this committed to memory by now?? What is wrong with me?!
And the punishment for being brain dead? Well, I’m not sure how this all worked out, but I was treated to a beautiful treatment of Guvastakam by Varshana Swami. It was really amazing. I totally didn’t deserve it. That’s mercy, folks. Pure and simple.
Gooodstorieseric.
