I don't think I'm a very good devotee
Hi folks… I wrote this little nugget a few days ago. But, as often happens, I’m now wondering if I am being too hard on devotees. Mostly, I was poking fun and giving some a good natured ribbing. But do I rib too much? I’m not at all an angry person. But, as pointed out by Ryan, I’m a cynical, skeptical and suspicious 90 year old man. That’s true in a lot of ways. I mean, I’m not actually 90 years old. I only act like it.
So I ask, am I going too far? Like I said, a lot of it is in jest. But a whole lot of it comes from my growing dislike of bullshit, personality cults and justification disguised as dovetailing.
Mostly, however, this should be taken as a bit of satire. Sort of like The Hing II: This Time It’s Personal! (except not really as likable… sort of like The Hing 2: Electric Bugaloo…. Any thoughts?
Sometimes I really question my commitment to being a good devotee. I mean, even though I’m completely convinced of Vedanta philosophy, I know that I am totally fallen and unable to truly be a real vaisnava.
First off, I don’t really like the Beatles or George Harrison. Sure, they had a few songs that I like and yeah, I respect them for being pretty amazing musicians, but I just don’t care. I just don’t think George Harrison was some great devotee – I know that pretty much disqualifies me from going back to Godhead, but I can’t even pretend to think that Dark Horse and Extra Texture were good albums.
I don’t care about aligning my chakras. I just don’t. I don’t like silent meditation or crystals. Any mention of “chi” or of “light” and “energy” makes me gag. I guess I’m not into the whole New Age thing. Actually, I think most of it is just plain silliness. I don’t care about the mind-body-spirit connection. Or collective consciousness. Or the healing power of magnets.
I have only seen a few Bollywood movies, and to be honest, they kinda sucked. I don’t really even care for the philosophically bizarre “devotional” movies that India cranked out through the 50′s and 60′s. And while I liked some aspects of the Mahabharata TV show, mostly it was weird and long-winded. And devotee-produced plays where the voices and sound effects are all pre-recorded is lame. Admit it.
I don’t have a special diet. Or a personal cook.
My head doesn’t wobble and I don’t have a fake Bengali accent, even when speaking about Krishna consciousness. I realize it makes it difficult to convey any sort of spiritual idea while talking in my normal voice, but that’s the burden I’ve been cursed to carry.
Phrases like “spaced out,” “stool room” and “fried” rarely, if ever, pass my lips. This probably means that I’m not at all situated in my spiritual life. I know that each time I say “I’m going to bed” instead of “I am going to take rest” I acquire many thousands of lifetimes on the hellish planets. I know this, and still I can’t bring myself to do like that. It must be my rascal mind. I am not “veddy much” anything, except “veddy much” going to burn in hell for a very long time. Oh, and there is no such word as “literatures.”
I don’t really care about yoga. I think it’s neat to see someone who is really good at it performing all the bendy things, but I have no desire at all to attempt it myself. I know it comes from India and that automatically qualifies it as mode of goodness/transcendental, but I just don’t like it.
I don’t even use Vicco tooth paste. Can you believe that? I just don’t think it works. I don’t wear a wool chadar when I’m cold – I have sweaters for that. I have no real desire to even visit India. It costs a lot of money and seems to be a pretty nasty, dirty place. Sort of like Detroit, but with slightly more shit on the ground.
And speaking of money, I don’t think that spending $108 to hear some guru talk is a bargain. 800 bucks to learn how to chant japa? No sorry, that’s cheating. Call me a hippie, but spiritual knowledge should be free. Again, I realize this totally blows all possibility of devotion, but what can I do?
However, I do care about the philosophy taught by Lord Krishna, Caitanya Mahaprabhu and Srila Prabhupada. I like chanting Hare Krishna, worshiping the deities and associating with the devotees, but I know it’s not enough. I know that I need to put on the All Things Must Pass album and meditate on light and love.
Empowerment seminars and hokey self help books haven’t replaced Bhagavatam classes and Prabhupada’s books. That I like traditional bhajans instead of mantra rock and crappy New Age music in the guise of sacred sound and movement (whatever that means) does indeed put my name on Yamaraja’s hit list, but I think I’ll just chant Hare Krishna instead.
