ME! That’s who!
This weekend! I’m pretty jazzed about it.
Anyone else going? Radhanama? Chris? Would be fun. I promise!
I’ll be staying with Rati and Dwija and will be at the festival on Saturday and hopefully at the feast on Sunday.
Today is the Dia De Los Muertos, the Day of the Dead. It’s a day when (mostly) Mexicans celebrate the lives of the departed. However, though they may have left their bodies, some may have not exactly departed…
We [Vedic culture], like most indigenous cultures, hold a belief in ghosts. We believe that every living thing is spirit, the soul. This soul has a body. The soul also has a “subtle body.” The subtle body is basically your mind, emotions, stuff like that.
Ghosts, we believe, are the soul and the subtle body, the soul and the mind together, without a body. In fact, we often call ghosts DLE’s, Disembodied Living Entities.
These DLE’s are just like us. We are all spirit souls. The only difference is that they don’t have bodies. However, this is where the problem lies. They have a mind and thus every bodily desire that we have, but no way to fulfill those desires.
It’s because of this, I feel, that most ghosts are a bit crazy. They’re pretty much alone with just themselves, have every desire you can think of and not a single way to deal with these desires. Their only entertainment seems to be messing with the living. I’m sure that gets boring. And eventually, after years and years of this, they go insane.
We also have some knowledge about what attracts ghosts. They are attracted by the night, unclean places (like dirty, etc), and people talking about them (they’re bored). I’ve also heard that they’re attracted by whistling at twilight, but honestly, I’ve never tried it.
Some personal experiences at New Vrndavana.
I’ve have some personal experiences with ghosts in the apartments at New Vrndavana. It was pretty amazingly freaky. My neighbors did as well. I’m not “sensitive” to ghosts – I can’t see them or hear them, but a few of my neighbors could. So could my poor cats.
The “ghosts” (or whatever they were) would mess with the cats. I could always tell when there was going to be an “attack” because the cats would start to freak out. And then it would begin. I’d hear the neighbors stirring, blowing a conch shell or chanting “Hare Krishna.”
The ghosts that we had in the apartments were pretty resilient to the typical Hare Krishna ghostbusting. They could be very temporarily dispensed of by blowing a conch shell. But mostly that would just move them to the next door apartment (thanks!).
According to one of my neighbors, she was confronted with a ghost and chanted “Hare Krishna!” to it. It laughed and said “Hare Krishna!” back at her. Freaky.
Also, this same neighbor’s four year old girl asked her mother, “Mata, why does a man come into my room at night?” Her mother told her “that’s just your father.”
“No… it’s not Pita.”
These attacks started happening more and more frequently to the point where they were a nightly occurrence. That’s when we pulled out the “big guns.” The Nrsmha-kavaca mantra. I recited this three times before sleeping, quickly and loudly, and it seemed to keep the ghosts away for the whole night. I don’t remember an incident after that.
How about you, fellow vaisnavas, do you have any ghosts stories? Feel free to share them here.
A few days ago, Hrishikesh prabhu posted “An English Version” of the Damodar Prayers as penned by True Peace. As I read it, two really weird things popped into my bald little head.
1) “Oh my GOD! I remember singing the Damodarastakam in English!!” [Totally didn't remember that!]
and
2) “This isn’t it!”
Way back in the fall of 1994, I was in Columbus, Ohio. It was the “month of Damodar” so we would sing the Damodarastakam. However, Malati prabhu would have us sing it in English.
Now, keep in mind, it was maybe only a year since they took off the monks robes and went to the ISKCON style program. However, some things hung on. The English Damodar Prayers was one of them.
I emailed a friend of mine who was around well before this and asked her if I was crazy. Turns out, I wasn’t (at least not for this reason).
From her memory, this is what she wrote…
Oh Damodar Krsna, Your mother in silk
while You were a napping was churning the milk
Oh Damodara Krsna, on You the world rests
yet You rest on Yashoda and suckle her breastOh Damodar Krsna Your childhood play
is sweeter than nectar, I’ll drink it each dayOh Damodar Krsna, cheeks bimba fruit red
???
That was all she could remember.
Now… could some kind soul PLEASE post the rest of this? She remembered that it was in the Damodar coloring book. I remember those and I’m betting they were New Vrndavana produced. Anyone still have it?
When you say “story” and “Varshana Swami” usually you’re talking about his tellings of Caitanya-lila. They are second to none. But it’s rare to hear stories about Varshana Swami. Well lucky me, I’ve got two. And lucky you because I’m about to tell them.
Both happened last year while I was staying for a bit at New Vrndavana.
The first was related in an old LJ post. The whole post itself is kind of fun. You can read it here.
Sunday morning was kind of neat. Right before japa, I learn that Varsana Maharaja will be giving class. But I have to do transfer, so I miss it. That’s not the neat part. Jen slept in the day before. Her service is to write the Bhagavatam verse on a dry-erase board. The devotee giving class had no verse up.
I didn’t want this to happen to Maharaja. So I ask Gopal, who is his disciple, “hey, which verse is Maharaja doing today?”
He replied: “Is he giving class today? Hm, didn’t know that. I’ll ask him.”
Odd. But Gopal walks over to ask him and I see both of them smiling. He comes over and relates Varsana Swami’s answer, “I’m supposed to give class today?” And then something about spontaneous service to Krishna.
I missed the class, but heard it was pretty sweet.
The next story is more about me and my horrible memory. The back story is that I’ve been a devotee since late 1993. And in that time I have managed to memorize zero slokas. That’s right, not a single one. I also have zero songs memorized. Sure, I can make my way through any of the common ones pretty easily if I have the words in front of me. But from memory? Nope. None.
Why? I’m not sure. It’s certainly not for lack of trying. I simply can’t memorize things that I can just as easily look up. It’s a mental defect. I’m not lazy (at least not in this way), it just doesn’t come to me.
While I was there, I made it to every mangal. I mean, why go to a temple if you’re not going to get up for mangal, right? So I did. Usually, I would be one of the first ones there. And then, right before the conch blew, a handful of devotees would wander in. Maharaja was there more often than not. I was glad that they showed up because, as I mentioned, I don’t know the words to the samsara prayers. Sure, I could read them off of the card… no wait, I can’t. Bad eyesight, near darkness (because the New Vrndavana temple room is officially the darkest temple room in all of ISKCON) and the card being placed at a weird, stage-left, position made it impossible.
But on one fateful day, I arrive about ten minutes before mangal and start chanting some japa. My mind is no where near on my chanting because I’m wondering where the hell everyone else is. With five minutes to go, Varshana Swami comes in and starts to chant his japa. At this point, I go from worrying about singing the Samsara prayers to myself to panicking about singing the Samsara prayers to Varshana Swami.
As any devotee knows, you can tell when the arati is about to start. You can hear the arati tray being brought onto the altar, the accidental “ding” of a bell, the clearing of the pujari’s throat… And with each of these, my heart started beating harder and harder. I thought of bolting out of the temple room. It took all the strength I could muster to keep put.
Varshana Swami looked at me as if to say, “so, you’re all we’ve got?” And sadly, yes. I was it. Slim pickin’s, huh?
I figured that other devotees would come in. I figured that someone who actually knows the words would just walk through the doors, pick up a mrdanga and lead a three-man kirtana. But nobody was coming.
And then I heard them popping the conch. I knew this was it. I nearly fainted. The doors opened – one side and then the other – the conch blew as Varsana Swami and I offered obeisances.
He then looked at me and said, “would you like to lead?”
Yes. Yes, maharaja, I would love to lead! I’d love to grab some kartals and give you the best Samsara prayers New Vrndavana’s ever heard!
But what I said was, “I’m sorry.. I don’t know the words.”
He gave me this look. Not really of disgust, but more of complete disbelief. He probably thought that I was lying. I felt horrible and stupid. How could I not know these words after this many years? How is it even possible that I don’t have this committed to memory by now?? What is wrong with me?!
And the punishment for being brain dead? Well, I’m not sure how this all worked out, but I was treated to a beautiful treatment of Guvastakam by Varshana Swami. It was really amazing. I totally didn’t deserve it. That’s mercy, folks. Pure and simple.
Gooodstorieseric.
The first time I showed up at New Vrndavana, they still had a few “New Vrndavana Inmate” tshirts. Loved it. Wish I would have bought one. But maybe this is the next best things…
Last year I spent a lot of time at NV and I was feeling rather snarky, so I made some tshirt ideas. These aren’t real shirts, but I supposed they *could* be if I was poked enough to do them.
New Vrndavana Accordion Ensemble – This is a real picture of the famous New Vrndavana Accordion Ensemble! They really existed. Too bad they never made tshirts. I love the heavy metal lettering. I wish I would have put umlauts over one of the vowels. Party on.
Best. Dham. Ever. – I think the “Best. _________. Ever.” thing is from Comic Book Store Guy on the Simpons. At any rate, Jayalila, Radhanama and I coined the phrase. Well, one of us did. I can’t remember which. It’s true though. New Vrndavana really is the Best. Dham. Ever.
Olivia wants me to make this on a green shirt with yellow lettering. That’s possible. I wouldn’t mind seeing a few of these around.
If you like lunch…. – Last summer, while I was there, New Vrndavana had this weird habit of serving for breakfast whatever was for lunch the prior day. Meaning if you had that weird beige/yellowish stuff for lunch on Wednesday, you’d be graced with it again for breakfast on Thursday! It’s a find tradition and I hope that it continues evermore! Just another endearing quality of New Vrndavana.
And while the first three tshirts were tributes to the quirkiness of New Vrndavana, pure silly fun with the place that I love most, the last one is a bit more serious.
Upon the walls of many ISKCON temples there are menus. On these menus, you can order different ceremonies. You pay a certain amount and you get a car puja or a grain ceremony or any other number of Hindu ceremonies that Srila Prabhupada didn’t introduce to us.
Or, you can get your thread…
And Srila Prabhupada was right! $251 is not cheap!
If you’ve not caught on, I’m really into strange New Vrndavana history. And while this item doesn’t take the cake, it’s up there.
In March of 1987, ISKCON officially gave New Vrndavana and Bhaktipada the boot. The reasons were detailed in a “GBC [Governing Body Commission] resolution.” Bhaktipada received the resolution and decided to respond.
I believe it was Nityo Dita [could be wrong about that] who read the GBC’s accusation and reasons for booting and Bhaktipada responded.
It seems like this was done in front of a small room full of devotees. The only microphone was the one used to record the conversation. I’m not sure how widely the recording of this was spread. I found my copy in a box of more professional looking Bhaktipada Tape Ministry tapes.
The copy I have of it looks like this:
Oddly, this was side two of the cassette. Side one was a semi-professionalish recording of Bhaktipada reading his book, Christ and Krishna. This particular tape was at one time owned by “K. Bhava dasi.” Probably Krishna Bhava Dasi. The date “11/23/87″ is written on side one.
I’m not going to say much about the contents of what he actually said (would rather let that speak for itself). This was recorded in 1987, hot on the heels of the FBI raid and finding Chakradhara’s remains. Sometime not too long after the recording, in November, New Vrndavana holds a “Religious Freedom Gathering.”
This was also the year that Bhaktipada closed the Nandagram school, sending the kids “as examples” to public school. It was probably not a coincidence that this was the year that Sri Galim, one of their teachers, was arrested for child abuse.
In light of all this, his answers aren’t really shocking. You can tell that he holds a bit back (or at least makes a show of holding things back) perhaps hoping that members of the GBC would hear this. Maybe.
At any rate, 1987 was a big year for New Vrndavana. And this is Bhaktipada’s own take on it.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
(7.23MB 42mins)
Last summer, around Radhastami, I was hanging out at New Vrndavana with a few devotees who were into personal prayer. Really into it. It’s not like I didn’t agree, of course, I was fine with it, I just didn’t do it.
We’d be talking about one of my many problems and they’d ask, “Eric have you prayed about this?” I paused for a bit, thought and said, “Hopes are prayers.” Which is true, but by the scowling look on their faces I knew they saw through that one.
“Eric, promise me that you’ll pray about this.”
I gave some half-hearted nod thing to shut them up. It’s not that I didn’t believe in prayer… I just didn’t realize it was important or did anything. I pretty much just didn’t care about it.
As many devotees have noticed when we don’t care about something in Krishna consciousness, Krishna throws us right into the middle of whatever it is we don’t care about.
For Radhastami, someone came up with the idea that the devotees and guests should write a prayer to Radharani on a piece of paper, tie it to a helium-filled balloon and float it up into the altar. When I heard about this, I rolled my eyes – probably making a ton of offenses in the rolling.
I was really grumpy about it. Even more than I usually am. I thought, “why not just chant Hare Krishna?” Or, if you really have to, just say a silent prayer to Radharani. I get cranky and obstinate sometimes.
So guess who was magically put in charge of the task of giving the paper and pens to devotees and then tying the message to the balloon? That’s right, me. Thanks Krishna!
I went from being grumpy to just not wanting to be there. But as the devotees, hundreds of them, filtered by me, I was purified by their association. I could see what they were writing and it moved me. Yes, bhakta Grinches’s heart grew three times that day! Some were praising Her (which is always good to hear), some were just saying “hi,” and some were crying out to her for help. As more and more came through my line, the more this idea grew on me, the more this idea of personal prayer grew on me.
As my friends passed by, they would ask, “Did you put yours in yet? Did you write one yet?” Each one wearing me down, chiseling away at my stupid stone heart.
By the end of it, I had run out of balloons, the line was gone, replaced by a kirtana of devotees, and as they were closing the altar, I quickly wrote a short prayer to Srimati Radharani on a pink little piece of paper and slipped it under the deity doors just before it was too late.
I had slipped a note under God’s door… That’s pretty cool, isn’t it? I love Krishna consciousness!
I have a really strange New Vrndavana story. Well, I guess it’s not strange compared to most other ones, but it was really bizarre to me as it was happening.
I had sort of forgotten about this until I was watching Holy Cow Swami, a documentary about New Vrndavana filmed about a year or two before I started living there. It was nice to see some of the devotees I knew like Mother Gopa and Saci (mata). Weird seeing Bhaktipada (who made semi-frequent trips to the dhama when I was living there).
Part of the documentary covered the attack made on Bhaktipada during the brick-laying for the road to the palace. And then it came back to me…
For about a month, I lived with the pipe that was used to attack Bhaktipada, the clothes that he was wearing when he was attacked and the brain scans from his hospital stay (which were said to look like Lord Nrsmhadeva, though I couldn’t see it).
Now, how does a lowly bhakta come into contact with such things? I don’t want to step on any toes here. The devotee to whom I was married to at the time had gotten into Bhaktipada’s house (which was a fairly easy thing to do – I hadn’t done it in 1996, but I had ten years later) with a few friends and taken a display case containing said items. I think they got a bunch of other stuff as well.
This happened over the HUGE Prabhupada centennial celebration when New Vrndavana was unofficially welcomed back into ISKCON (officially, it would take another year or so).
The pipe was in the case, but I can’t remember if they opened it up or not. The clothes still had his blood on them. Along with the brainscans was a song written about how Lord Nrsmhadeva personally protected this “pure devotee.” If anyone remembers the lyrics to that song, let me know.
It was then, right after he was attacked, that he started really deviating from the philosophy. Before that, it was just a power thing, I think. But after that, he started changing everything. But because the devotees there had such a love for him and devotion to him, they went along with it. Everyone did. From Radhanatha Swami down to the common devotees. They really did believe he was a pure devotee. It’s so easy to see now that he never was. But I wasn’t there at the time. Everyone was so caught up in it.
This is what maya does. Maya is illusion. Literally, “that which is not.” These devotees were in maya, very literally. I’m pretty sure even Bhaktipada believed it.
But anyway, back in ’96, it was a really, really strange time for me. My marriage was coming to an end and I was getting ready to leave New Vrndavana because of it. Half of me wanted to stay and half of me wanted to leave. I sided with the half that wanted to leave and have regretted it here and there, but what can I do? And along with all this strangeness, items from New Vrndavana’s past continually piled up on my living room floor. She wanted to create a museum. That’s an idea that I could get behind. I still think it’s a good idea. At least an archive.
I can’t say that I was opposed to this. I didn’t personally want to go up there to get them, but I was very fascinated with it. Still am. I love New Vrndavana and it’s incredibly freaky history.
In this stash were several of the Franciscan Monks robes worn by devotees a mere three years before this (most stopped wearing them in ’93). When I first started going to the temple in 1994, some of the pujaris still wore the robes. I wish I had one. I would really like one. Does anyone still have a robe that they wouldn’t mind parting with? It would make me one happy guy.
It was a really strange time for New Vrndavana between ’93, when they basically stopped the Christian-type services and ’96, when ISKCON pretty well took over. It was a really strange mix of people. In the temple, we had Mahati and Visvamurti (what happened to them?). In the apartments, we had Sister Piety (who was pretty awesome in silk saffron punjabi talking about “Shreela Bhaktipada!” in her southern accent.
Gopa and Damodara were in charge (and I think they ran it really, really well). Gopa was a sweet motherly figure to me. She was wonderful. Damo was always doing some incredibly unpleasant service that no one else wanted to do. Sometimes, dressed in high rubber boots and big rubber gloves, he’d find you and with a sarcastic grin he’d say, “ohh prabhu, have I got some mercy for you today!” And there was really no getting out of it. But what was great about him was that he would be there doing this crummy service with you! Here was the temple president right along side a bhakta doing whatever had to be done. I can respect that.
I really miss New Vrndavana. But I think a lot has changed since those days. Then, I secretly hoped that ISKCON wouldn’t take it back. That New Vrndavana could somehow continue on with a very ISKCON-friendly vibe and services, but still… not quite back into the fold. It seemed so perfect. I doubt it was. Hell, I know it wasn’t! I was there, sometimes it was hell. But I miss it anyway.
Sorry for going on like this. It’s one of those days.
Oh, and about Holy Cow Swami… even if you don’t want to watch it, watch the first 10 or 15 minutes until you get to the really burned out hippie guy with dreads. That burn out became Hari Bhakta. He was one of my favorite devotees when I lived there. By the time I knew him, he was shaved up. His wife is Gopilila and was living in Columbus when I was. They are wonderful devotees, please keep them in your prayers.
The movie was finished in 1996 with Bhaktipada’s final guilty plea. There was another movie made by West Virginia PBS in 1993ish. I’ve not found anyone who has it.
I know it’s early, but I’m someone who likes to plan ahead. And while my plans for this past summer crashed in some historic ways, it doesn’t deter me from planning ahead for next spring/summer/fall.
I’ll be selling all four of my scooters and my bus and buying a Vespa GTS250. It is super reliable and can easily carry me wherever I need to be.
It’s really great that I can combine my love of scooters with Krishna. It makes me so happy. I’m not just riding around (which I love to do), I’m riding around following the Ratha Yatras (which I also love to do). Sure there are some other stops along the way, but I’m mostly excited about following the Raths.
And so my schedule is as follows -
Mid April – Early May – Southern Scooter trip
I’d like to hit the south, visiting a few friends, my sister and a few temples.
May 10 in Bloomsburg, PA for Nikki and Sarah’s graduation
Can’t really miss this. I’ll then be home for most of May (probably traveling a bit, hopefully).
June for East Coast Ratha Yatras
I’ll probably be zig-zagging across the mid-Atlantic, from Chicago to New York to who knows where else. The Ratha Yatra schedule has not been set just yet.
June 30 – July 4 in Gettysburg for 145th Anniversary
Geeky, I know, but I could see myself flying out to see this every couple of years. I enjoy it quite a lot. Big history buff.
July for remainder of East Coast Ratha Yatras
The DC Ratha Yatra is always on July 4. I’m not sure that I’ll definitely make it, but I’d like to. After DC, who knows – that will have to be planned later.
August ride out west for some West Coast Ratha Yatras
I’m not sure of the route here. It all depends on if there will be Western Canadian Ratha Yatras in 2008. It will be clearly too hot to do the desert.
Aug 24 – Sept 7 fly to New Vrndavana for Janmastami – Radhastami
This is a long shot, but I’d like to fly out to New Vrndavana for Janmastami. But I don’t know where I’ll be then and where I’ll park the scooter. However, I’d really like to make it.
Sept 11 – Sept 20 Cannonball Run from San Francisco, CA to Rehoboth Beach, DE
The reason I’d have to fly out for Janmastami, etc is because I’d have to fly back if I want to do Cannonball Run 2008. Cannonball Run is a scooter race that happens once every other year. In 2008, it will be from San Francisco, CA to Rehoboth Beach, DE. After the Run, I could visit with my parents and friends in PA for a bit and rest up. Then…
October for Scoot 66
I’ve been planning this for YEARS. The only time to really do it is in May or September. Any other time, it’s too cold or too hot. Basically, I’d ride 2,300 miles from Chicago to Oklahoma City to LA, following Route 66. It would be ideal to do this while traveling west with the Festival of India for the Ratha Yatras, but it will be HOT if they take the southern route.
November in Seattle
I’d ride up the coast on Highway 1 and US 101 to Seattle.
That’s the plan for now. And if you’re following along, you’ll see that I’m crossing the country a total of six times. Four on a scooter, two on a plane.
Now, I’m not naive enough to think that everything will happen like this. More than likely, the first things to go would be the Cannonball Run, followed by Scoot 66. And that would mean that I wouldn’t ride back to the east coast at the end of summer.
And of course, travel means little if you can’t stop at temples. I’ve not really checked to see how many temples there are that I could be hitting (since I don’t have my routes planned), but I’d hit as many as I could. Mostly, I’ll be camping and relying on friends and well wishers and their floors and spare rooms for lodging.
I’ll keep updating this as things change. No matter what happens, it will be a much better time than this past summer where nothing happened at all. You’ll find the updates on the right hand sidebar.
ISKCONglish is the unofficial name for the way many devotees speak. Sure, it’s English, but nobody outside of Krishna Consciousness talks like that. We say certain things in certain ways and that make most folks scratch their heads, wondering why we’re talking like throw-back hippies who spent way too much time in India. Many of these expressions come from India, many from Srila Prabhupada himself. But what most ISKCONglish-speaking devotees don’t understand is that they’re not *actually* Indians.
See, that’s what ISKCONglish actually is. It’s a mix of English, Hippie slang and things only Indians who have learned English as a second language say. Mix it all together, usually spoken by a white fellow, and you’ve got ISKCONglish.
I first heard the term “ISKCONglish” from either Malati prabhu or Jayadvaita Swami. Jayadvaita Swami did a five part class trying to get devotees to use proper diction. Some of these examples come from that series.
When I first posted this list on LJ in 2005, it was very short. I have since revised and expanded it.
Much of my time around devotees has been at New Vrndavana. It would stand to reason that much of these words, their definitions and their usage come from that experience.
I will give the word, then the definition and then attempt to use the word in an intelligible sentence. The last bit might, at times, be difficult. Here they are, clearly in no particular order:
do like that – This is an odd expression, solely based upon Indians speaking English when they don’t really, fully have it down. It can be used in place of the much less awkward “do it this way.” “Are you seeing how I am cleaning in circular motion? Do like that.”
rascal mind – I know that Radhapriya prabhu uses this a lot. Nothing wrong with it. It’s grammatically correct. But it still falls under “ISKCONglish” since nobody else in the whole universe uses it. I giggle every time she says it. But in a good way. “Don’t trust what Prajalpapada is saying anymore. He has rascal mind.”
fried out – This is 100% hippie. It means to be spent. Over-tired with a huge emphasis on being really cranky. “Leave Gopa alone for a bit, she’s very much fried out after the Christmas marathon.”
spaced out – Sometimes it is “spaced it out.” This is basically a “get out of jail free” card. I’ve seen some real magic worked with this one. The conversation usually goes: First devotee: “Prabhu! I asked you to take out the garbage, why didn’t you do it?” Second devotee: “Oh.. wow… I’m really sorry. I totally spaced it out.” And he or she gets off scott-free! Why? It goes back to the hippie thing. You figure it out.
so – Our “so” is much different from the regular so. We often use it in place of silence. Many believe that it makes others thing that they know what they’re talking about, after all, “so” leads to an obvious conclusion. But when you say “so” the way Srila Prabhupada would say it, hopefully, it leads other to believe that we’re REALLY concluding something important. “So…” [and then say whatever you were going to say.]
actually – Actually is a lot like “so.” Actually, they can be interchangeable. “Actually” is usually used to clarify a conclusion that was lead up to by “so.” “Actually…” [and then say whatever you were going to say.]
take rest – Simply means to sleep. But “take rest” has a spiritual connotation. Basically, if you “sleep” you will be reincarnated as a bear. But if you take rest, it’s because you have to in order to more properly execute devotional service. “Don’t disturb her, she is taking rest and has to drive to Pittsburgh to pick up some devotees at the airport.”
suci kit – “Suci” (pronounced su-chee) means clean. A Suci Kit is the bag you carry into the bathroom that contains your toothbrush, toothpaste, razors, etc. This is pretty much only used by devotees living in the temple, sharing a common bathroom. “Someone stole Prabhupada’s Toothpaste out of my suci kit!”
stool room – Stool room means “bathroom.” Makes sense, ok. But that’s sort of a nasty way of putting it. There doesn’t seem to be a spiritual benefit to calling them “stool rooms,” but it sure does bring about some awesome visuals, eh? “Prabhu, you left your suci kit in the stool room.”
pass stool/urine – Unless you’re a doctor or in the Krishna consciousness movement, you wouldn’t say this. The definition is obvious, but even before we take initiation, we’re passing stool and urine almost everyday and are often fairly vocal about it. The clinical sound of “pass urine” makes it less harsh on the ears of others who are obviously very interested in knowing that you’ve passed stool twice today. My friend, Olivia, brought up an interesting point. She said, “I don’t get it! We can’t even talk about grains on Ekadasi, yet here are a bunch of devotees talking all the time about passing stool! WHY?!” Indeed. Oh, and I refuse to use this in a sentence.
very nice or nice – This is usually said with a Bengali accent, no matter where you learned to speak English. It’s pronounced “veddy nice.” You can also just say “veddy.” As in “He is veddy big nonsense!” This one is pretty diverse.
laxmi – Money. I honestly really like this one and think that every devotee should use it (though maybe not in the public forum). Laxmi, the goddess, is the goddess of fortune. She is Narayana’s (Krishna’s) consort. When we call money “laxmi,” it is to remind us that this money is not ours, but it is, like Laxmi Devi, Krishna’s. Therefore we should return it to Him by using it in His service. “The temple doesn’t have enough laxmi to finish painting the front, so we’ll just leave it like it is and nobody will notice, right?”
very much – Again with the “veddy”! It can be used, and often is, as “thank you veddy much.” My favorite use, however, is when I get the chance to hear someone who was born and raised in America say something like: “Bhaktin Jennifer is veddy much fried out.”
like that – Though “like that” makes up 2/3 of the previously mentioned “do like that” they have fairly different meanings. “Like that” can be used pretty much anywhere, but is often needlessly tagged on to the end of whatever you’re saying. If you’re new to ISKCONglish and aren’t sure exactly how to properly utilize it, just throw in a “like that” after you say something. Anything. This is great if you’re a new devotee and are trying to make a good impression. “And he was chanting veddy nicely. Like that.”
bhoga run – Almost always refers to a devotee in a crappy van driving into the city to pick up bulk food. “Hey, prabhu, make sure to pick up an extra 50 pounds of basmati for the feast tomorrow.”
bona fide – Maybe not technically ISKCONglish, but we do say it a lot. In ISKCON what is and isn’t bona fide can change rapidly, so hang on! Bona fide technically means that which is in line with guru/sastra/sadhu. Though sometimes that’s fudged a bit. “Is chocolate bona fide?… How about 7up?”
literatures – This one isn’t used so much anymore, but I still here it once in a while. It is meant to be the plural of literature. However, the plural of literature is literature. This, again, probably comes form Srila Prabhupada. English was not his first language, but it is ours (most of us, anyway). When he says it, it’s endearing. When we say, we just sound unintelligent and awkward. “This is bona fide way of thinking, it is in the Vedic literatures.”
fired up – Describes a devotee who is doing a lot of service, often with being asked. Usually results in getting fried out quickly. “It’s a shame about bhakta Steve. He was really fired up, doing pots, pulling weeds, washing the floor, but now he’s totally fried.”
fringie – Sometimes “fringe devotee.” Usually a devotee who used to be really fired up, but has mellowed out a bit, moved near the temple and only comes on festivals. I’ve recently heard it used to mean “deviant philosophy,” but that is a misuse of the word.“Yes, down that lane is where the fringies live. You might see them at Janmastami.”
bloop – This one is a perfect hybrid between Prabhupada and the hippie movement. Prabhupada said that “bloop” was the sound that a jiva soul makes when it falls into the material world. “Bloop” is also a very nice hippie word. It, like Srila Prabhupada, came at the right time. We use it to mean when someone leaves the movement. “Yeah, Bhakta John took his clothes, left his books [or, if at New Vrndavana, his boots] and just blooped!”
puffed up – I’m not sure of its origin, as it would fit in well with both Indian English and hippie slang. It means “proud.” And not in the good way. “Bhakta Rupert has become veddy much puffed up since he distributes the most books.”
associating – Basically “dating.” Though there is no dating in Krishna consciousness. It’s whatever you are with your perspective mate before getting formally engaged. “Did you see Vrnda and Rupa walking together? Are they associating now?”
chastise – This is also used exactly as it’s supposed to be used. Srila Prabhupada said it, so we do too. It just sounds strange since nobody else in the western world uses it anymore. “Malati prabhu totally chastised Olivia for always talking on the phone to boys!”
bogus – Often used to describe someone’s philosophy. “The Ritvik philosophy is bogus philosophy!”
nonsense – Similar in use and definition to bogus. But it’s also got an added benefit of being a noun. “This devotee selling stickers is veddy much a nonsense.”
contaminated – This is used with its proper definition, it’s just rare to hear anyone outside of ISKCON using it for anything but a chemical spill. It usually refers to our minds being contaminated by bogus philosophy or nonsense. Don’t go to that website, prabhu. It is nonsense and you will be contaminated.
modes – Usually as “in the modes.” Technically means being in one of the modes of material nature (either goodness, passion or ignorance). But it almost always means that the devotee is not being the least bit spiritual. “I don’t think bhakta Phil has been chanting is rounds lately, he’s really been in the modes.”
mercy – Anytime an advanced devotee corrects you, it is mercy. You are learning and growing and that’s a really good thing. But “mercy” has become another word for “having your arse handed to you.” “She’s been yelling at Sunanda for a half-hour… he’s really gettin’ the mercy, huh?”
the sauce – Similar to “mercy.” Kind of exactly the same thing. See? “She’s been yelling at Sunanda for a half-hour… he’s really gettin’ the sauce, huh?”
Oh I’m sure there are tons more!
Right after I originally posted this list, a few devotees chimed in and helped out. Their work has been added. These devotees were Praveen, Ekendra, Nedra and “heartonfire” (sorry, I don’t remember your actual name!). There is also a website put up by gurukulis that is similar and a bit more saucy then my list.
And let me reiterate that everything I said here is in loving jest. Many devotees emulate Srila Prabhupada out of love and admiration. It’s not purposely done and it’s not done to look puffed up or more advanced. But it is nearly always funny.
Also, the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Except for Olivia’s. So there.
